The Number 20

I turned 20 on the 9th of December. I always thought that 20 would be this magical number. After all, here I am having been in this world for 2 decades, and I feel as if I’m important. I find myself continuously letting people (like my mom) know that I’m 20. It’s almost as if I’m over compensating for my height of 4″9.

The thing is, “I’m 20” seems to be my answer for everything. My mom will want to open a jar for me that I’d been struggling with, or someone will feel the need to comment on me walking from campus to my car at night, and I’ll say “I got this, I’m 20.” But what does that even mean? Technically I’m still a child. I’m just floating in this realm of being an adult but not being an adult. Doing the means necessary to live like renewing my license, or putting money on my EZ pass, paying year old hospital bills, filling up my gas tank. Even though I’m handling my responsibilities, it feels as though I’m just wandering around aimlessly in this very adult world. There’s no handbook for being 20. There’s just cans and can’ts. I can buy tobacco products, I can get piercings and tattoos, I can play the lottery, I can get my own apartment. I can’t legally drink. (I’m sure there are other can’ts I just felt the need to emphasize legally drinking alone.)

So, as the new year approaches I will be entering 2016 as a 20 year old. I can’t help but to wonder why it is that we have so many expectations for ages. If you would’ve asked me as a kid what I thought being 20 would be like, I would’ve probably told you that I would have a house, and a dog. Oh the imagination of the youth, such a wonderful, well meaning, and beautiful thing. My reality? I’m 20, living with my old best friend’s family in order to save money on housing while I attend ODU. I do not have a dog of my own, just debt, and a blue bedroom in a house which is not mine. 20 is the year that you want your shit together, and you think  you’re doing something because you work a job on weekends, and you go to school. Here’s the thing: My shit is no where near together. But that’s okay, I’m still in the learning stages of adult hood. I have all the time in the world to get it together. And so do you. If you’re 20 and you feel like a grown-up baby, I’m here to tell you, you are not alone. We’ll one day look back at this stage and wish we could travel back to it. We’re young, and our only job is to live and work, and go to school… and be a decent person but we all know how hard that can be.

Here’s to being 20 and not having a goddamned clue what we’re doing! Here’s to hoping we figure something…anything out, and here’s to finally declaring our majors…or changing them. Now’s our time. We’re 2 decades after all.